Imagine you were an alien descended to Earth, and someone was describing to you the sport of golf.

Look, I'm going to take this very long skinny stick, with this tiny bulbous end to it. I'm going to swing it at this tiny little ball. I'm doing this to knock this tiny ball into that tiny hole way the fuck over there. In between here and there are ponds and trees and giant piles of sand for some reason.

If I then said, "I bet you 100 space bucks that I can do this in like, twelve swings," well, I think that if I were that alien I'd take that bet and be pretty impressed when I lost. Of course, twelve swings is so embarassing in actual golf that you'd normally just take your max and move on before some snob complains to the marshal that you're taking too long.

I'm golfing a bit more this year, I dunno why.

Three Stars.

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Golf is the:

• Greatest Sport of all time.
• 19th greatest Thing of all time.